Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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