we have officially lost it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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