can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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