Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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