I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
