I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
