Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
