The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
