Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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