I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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