You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
