thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
time to smoke my breakfast
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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