Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
