I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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