Cold hands, warm shart.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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