So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How external is "for external use only"?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
