Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
