You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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