I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
