dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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