Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I believe in your delicious
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
