You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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