So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
