She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
