the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
