Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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