It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
