there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
