i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
