So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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