Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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