you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
