So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
