i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
