i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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