new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
