Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
