drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
