Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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