it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
