at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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