i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
