and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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