you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
