i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
