how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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