I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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