somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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