I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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