Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
