We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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