life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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