we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
