If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
