that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
